I knew without a doubt the relationship was toxic and was starting to become obviously one-sided. Yet I held on…

One day he kinda laughs and says “My psychiatrist says I’m a narcissist. I’m ok with that.” My knowledge of what a narcissist was like being infatuated with yourself. Man if only I’d learned this stuff before I met him I wouldn’t have wasted almost 2 years trying to love him. (No- I definitely did love him.)

In all honestly I’m confused why I fought so hard for this abusive, psychotic, drug hazed “love” I don’t know. Kinda like (up until recently) I looked at the demise of our once “magical, fairytale romance” as unfair.. inflating the memories of feelings that were undescribable. Real, pure, true love I’d believed. Soulmates who fell in love at first sight.

He’s still the greatest love of my life I just have no idea who I was loving. The man I used to brag that treated me better than anyone else had a whole other side I could have made up. The man I fell in love with wasn’t real.

I’ve been consumed by him in every way. I’ve tolerated, allowed, ignored and just played dumb to not have to face reality. Until recently I couldn’t have imagined he would have cheated on me. But deep down I’ve known. Like I used to say to him: “you’re too good to be true” but none of it was even real.

Bottom line… He used me. He had nowhere to live and I had an income. I just don’t get why. Why me? He was 13 years younger than me so again, I’m just dumb. How could I have been so stupid? I used to laugh and say he was my dream come true but I was scared it would just be over and the joke would be on me. CALLED IT!

The worse was feeling so bad as I thought I was watching him have some kind of breakdown because he just fell apart thinking all this crazy cheating was going on when it was HIM! Everything he was accusing me if he was doing.

Then it was just over. He found someone new and younger. But, he came back.

I wish he’d never come back.

I really wish he’d never come at all…

#narcissist #fake #heartbreak #lies #abuse